Friday, October 9, 2009

Music, Beer, Cigs, Sex - Recipe for God to Change My Life...

Sorry it has been so long since my last post .... sometimes life gets in the way, ya feel me???

~~Disclaimer~~
The following story may be found extremely offensive to Pharisees, Legalists, and/or the standard Church Isolationist ~~ how ya'll like my new term?? fancy words huh :) ... so if any of these terms apply, you might want to discontinue any and all further reading of said blog ... I'll give you a few seconds to click off this page

.. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Ok, if you are still here, let me say first and foremost .... God tends to speak to me in the strangest ways at the most random of times, and His words always seem to come out of nowhere .... the following story is "one" of these times.

October 23, 2008 will forever be a date that I look back on and say, "God changed my life that night", and I do not use the words lightly, so please do not read those words in passing (I really need to people to understand the heaviness of that statement). God did indeed CHANGE my life that night.

This night started out like any other Thursday night in the fall, I sat at home watching the football game on ESPN. For any Auburn fans out there, you might recognize this date due to the fact that West Virginia spanked ya'lls little hiney that night ~~that's besides the point~~. This particular night I watched the game by myself, I actually remember very distinctly watching the game on the couch in my pajama pants and t-shirt, for some reason, every little detail of this night is burned into my memory ... even now as I look back, I feel a heaviness, a Holy respect and fear, because an Almighty God opened my eyes, I'll never be the same.... I digress ...

As the game was coming to a close, a couple of friends came by the house ...

~~let me take this moment for a side note: I've grown up around music and musicians, in the church and some that play in clubs .. I'm blessed to have sooo many crazy talented friends~~

So, these buddies come by the house... they ask in passing (cuz I've been asked a thousand times to go, with always responding, no... afraid of someone seeing "the Christian bookstore guy" going into a bar, oh the horror), "hey man, Andy is playing down at Omalley's tonight, you want to go hear them play, he'd love to see you". Now, at this point, I don't feel God's Spirit, things didn't slow down in a Matrix (the movie) kind of way.... for some reason, I simply said... "sure, I'll go". In astonishment, my friend said, "well, you better put on a hat"... disguise myself I suppose, hehe.

We get there, getting out of the car I can hear the music from inside the building, glad to be there, glad to see my friends play music, glad for them to know that I love them and support them. I walk in and head toward a table near the stage, Andy looks down and sees me ... he gets this look on his face, a look of astonishment and surprise, immediately followed by a huge smile ... I'll never forget the look!

At this point, business as usual, I'm just a dude listening to a band in a club ~~really talented band none the less~~ .... Then it happens ... God showed up ... Seriously, it's like He walked up to the table and sat down beside me and whispered in my ear. I suddenly became grieved in my spirit, nearly to the point of tears. I didn't hear the music any longer, I didn't hear the conversations around me .... All I could see was the people ....

Now, if you are jumping to the conclusion that I was grieved because of the typical "sin" stuff happening in that bar... you couldn't be more wrong. Was it the alcohol ... was it people getting smashed ... was it the dude at the bar trying to get the cute blondie to go home with him... was it any of those things that caused my grief .... No! Those things were simply by-products, at this moment I wasn't seeing any of that stuff.

Now, some reading this might be saying, "Well Jim, then what were you seeing ... all that other stuff would have made me sick ... disgusting!" ... sorry to disappoint, but God was showing me something else entirely!!

As I looked around, God showed me this ..... These people, people just like you and me, were searching for something. Searching for, in my opinion, three things: community, love, acceptance. Just so happens that they are finding it in a bar... My spirit was so incredibly grieved, these folks were searching and I, "mr. christian bookstore guy", had done NOTHING to reach out to these people.... the "church community" in Jasper/Walker county had done NOTHING to reach these hurting, searching people. Even now as I write these words, that same grief is over taking me.

I'm so tired of the church (i.e. myself), using the "inviting people to church" excuse .... we expect people to clean themselves up, come out of the bars, come to church, get Jesus. Does that sound backwards to anyone else other than me. I so long for a day when we take ownership of the Great Commission, the day we GO and take the gospel instead of, COME to church with us. The sad state of affairs is that most of the people at Omalley's that night came from our churches, our youth groups. Why could we as a believing body not provide a community of love and understanding for them. In my experience, people don't turn away from Jesus, they turn away from us.... Jesus never did anything but love and sacrifice for them. Sadly, our words and actions somehow don't match up, we've (especially me in the past) have spent all our time pointing at THEIR sins, pointing at THEIR faults and failures.

I pray we all take a moment and evaluate our thoughts, actions, motives .... maybe pray that God forgive us for not reaching out in love to the lost.

October 23, 2008 changed me forever, God changed my life in a bar. I think about that night everyday, I pray, "God please forgive me of my failure to go and seek out the lost" ... I long for a day when people come to church smelling like beer, cigarettes .... I long for a day when we finally say, "hey man, I know you struggle, I know you hurt, but I'm going to love you.... regardless"

I truly pray that my words don't come across to harsh, know my heart.... I have so much more i could share on that night, let me know if you'd ever like to talk to me about my experiences ...

I love you guys so much, I love the church, I long for us to become what Christ commissioned us to be ...

Just my thoughts ...

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Homosexuals, Skin-Heads and the History Channel

For the first time since 1997, I was able to go on a trip for one purpose and one purpose only, relaxation. Let me tell you, I relaxed the heck out of that trip (Desin, FL is my new sanctuary). So, one morning I was watching The History Channel and one of my favorite shows came on, Gangland. If you haven't seen this show, do yourself a favor and watch it. It's a show that highlights some of our nation's best in the "world of gang bangers and crime-lords", great television. The episode that was on I had never seen before .... Skin-heads .... my favorite racists, so easy to make fun of these guys. Right when i was really starting to have fun chuckling at their awesome hair cuts, suspenders and combat boots (and their music, can not forget to mention their awesome music), I saw something that rattled my heart and spirit.

Right in the middle of the show, it highlighted two men... one man was a former, leading member of the Aryan Nation and the other was a homosexual man... they were both from Los Angeles. Twenty years ago these two men han an encounter, the homosexual man was a victim of the other man's hate crime. He and some of his friends were assaulted and beaten by an entire group of Aryans. Twenty years later, the Aryan had left "the nation" and become an outspoken opponent of his former life. One day the two men found themselves in the same focus group, a group put together to discuss forgiveness and tolerance. After the meetings began, the two men realized who each other was. The gay man said that he could never forgive the former Aryan, who could blame him, I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to be the victim of a hate crime. Not long after the two men had their encounter, they were scheduled to speak to a group of students together, the ex-aryan stood up and said to the group, "I assaulted this man twenty years ago because he is homosexual, and for that I am truly sorry". At that moment the gay man knew in his heart that he could no longer hold on to anger and resentment, the two men are now friends and speak on forgiveness.

What an image of forgiveness, a homosexual man forgiving an ex-aryan for the hate crime committed against him. I knew I was watching something important, something that I think will forever change my attitude, it was simply one of those "wow, i get it" moments.

So what's our problem, why is it soo hard for believers to forgive other believers. I have seen churches ripped apart over stupid things. One church in my hometown split over a book... A BOOK. We will go down seperate aisles at the grocery store just to avoid seeing someone who has wronged us. Seriously, what's our problem?

What an image of forgiveness, a homosexual man forgiving an ex-aryan for the hate crime committed against him.

Which brings me to one of the hardest things I've ever posted ... God dealt with me heavily Thursda night over this issue. Seriously, what's my problem?? I'm beginning to see that I have unforgiveness inside of me. I have yet to forgive someone in my life, the funny thing I didn't even know that what I felt was wrong, didn't realize that I needed to forgive. I suppose that sense I was wronged, I felt as though I didn't have to forgive until they asked for it. That's not the case ... I need to deal with this stuff that's rooted deep within me. Jesus, as he was in the process of being beaten, spit on, murdered, said these words, "forgive them" ... when nobody was asking for it. They gloated over their actions, but Jesus CHOSE to forgive. Who am I not to make the same choice.

What an image of forgiveness, a homosexual man forgiving an ex-aryan for the hate crime committed against him.


Saturday, August 1, 2009

Heaven meets earth with a sloppy wet kiss....

This morning I was greeted on Facebook by a wonderful note written by a friend of mine that I went to college with. I've had a very difficult week and this encouraged me so much. I want to share it with all of you guys. Blessings....

If Grace is an Ocean We're All Sinking...... by Cara Rogers

I heard these lyrics (the title of my post) from a song called How He Loves (google it if you'd like- Kim Walker) and thought about what a beautiful image this presented. However, while singing this song in my head this morning, I "saw" a mental picture of a huge ocean and many people in that ocean treading water, desperately trying to stay afloat. I immediately knew what that picture meant in relation to those lyrics. We (many in the body of Christ) say we live in grace, but although we are in the ocean, we have not really surrendered to that ocean of God’s grace. I thought about it some more and realized that giving up, “sinking” if you will, runs contrary to every survival instinct in human nature. So, I claim grace as my sustenance, but still struggle to do it (life) at least a little in my own strength. To sink in grace would be to lose control, right??…and I need at least a little.

I think, at least in my own life, this struggle, this treading water if you will, has led to a cycle of: 1) Existing and not really living; 2) Using a lot of strength to do things right, and really feeling ashamed when (noticed I said when, not if) I drop the proverbial ball and 3) so much tiredness due to exerting so much needless energy…which leads back into #1.

It reminds me of what Paul wrote in Galatians 3:
After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? 4 Have you experienced[a] so much for nothing? Surely it was not in vain, was it?
5 I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ.

I look around and see so many existing and not really living (including myself). I want so desperately for the body to discover a life full of energy and the grace and compassion of the Lord. I don’t want us be spiritually tired all of the time because we rely on ourselves. These truths seem so simple (ha!) yet so difficult to apply in every day life (at least to me).

I feel that many of you in “facebook land” might be able to relate to this, or may be further along on the journey than I and if so, please share any thoughts you might have. My hope is to encourage each other and remind ourselves to live in grace. Thank you for reading this. I appreciate it.

~~~I hope this helped you guys as much as it did me... oh, and the song she is referring to ... here's a link to it... incredible!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Monday, July 27, 2009

Perspective Shifts...

In 2001 (I think it was), I began a journey; a scary and adventurous spiritual journey. Questioned everything I had ever been taught and everything I thought I had figured out. I was 23 years old and completely confused, felt pressured and manipulated (at times) to go in certain directions in ministry, at every turn afraid that I was going to make the wrong decision and my life and ministry would be ruined. So one day, at work and at my wits end, I opened up the Word and saw this scripture...

John 6 (NIV)
28Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"
29Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

At that moment, things cleared up... the weight was lifted from my shoulders... I didn't have to please people any longer. I finally realized that trying to please imperfect people over a perfect God would only lead to hurt and failure. So, that's where it started, I was ready for a perspective shift. Ready indeed!!

Not to long after that I had the opportunity to leave the church (and denomination) I was serving in and move into service at a church in the Birmingham area. I had zero doubt that it was time to move on, but you would have thought I committed some grievous sin. A few folks looked at me with such a look of pity, as if the wondrous work of salvation that had taken place in my life was somehow diminished now... it was like I had been knocked out of some sort of spiritual hierarchy. Even 6 or 7 years later I still get this look of pity... I won't even start on the look when they see the tattoos, hehe!!

So now let me get to the "perspectives" part .....

When I stepped out of the mind-set and thought processes that I had always held onto so tightly that my knuckles were white, ready to fight anyone who brought something a little different to the table. Stepping outside of that I began to see Almighty God in such a more life giving way. It was truly astounding how spending time with other believers from different perspectives began to shape me and strengthen me. Now I look for opportunities to have conversations and build relationships with people from completely different viewpoints on God and spirituality; even those I might completely disagree with on certain subjects.... who knows I might actually learn something in the process.

People are scared, me thinks, of different perspectives. If not, just watch a pentecostal boy (whatever that means)as myself tell people that he helped plant a non-pentecostal church that held services in a bar in downtown Birmingham, and see how the begin to squirm in their shoes and trip all over themselves trying to say something encouraging. People are indeed fearful of different perspectives, I was the c.e.o. of this group for many years of my life. They, just as I was, are afraid because when we look at things from different perspectives, there is a very clear and present danger that we might see fault in our own lives... in our own perspectve. We might see flaws in the very core of our belief system, cracks in the foundation. Cracks that must be mended and fixed, and nobody has to fix anything if they never find a the crack .... much easier that way.... right?

Just my thoughts....

Monday, July 13, 2009

Scattered reflections of Fire and Rain

This is something i found .... wrote this a little over a year ago ... brought back a great memory

"Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to"

Most of you already know that those are the lyrics to the first verse of one of the best songs ever written, James Taylor's, Fire and Rain. Last weekend I sat on the front deck of Steve's house; Steve, Jessica, Nick and I sat there looking at the stars, playing guitar and singing old songs that we love. Everything from Hank Williams Jr., to Poison, Nick even busted out some old hymns ... it was one of the most enjoyable moments I've had in months, maybe years. As I sat there, I began to reflect on the events in all of our lives that brought us to the very point. That single instance with all of us simply hanging out, enjoying the relationships we've built and continue to build.

There are those of us who have experienced terrible things in life ... Some of us have been lucky and most of our experiences are filled with happiness and joy. The point is we all experience .... regardless ... it forms and tells our story. So my story up until has been defined by the choices and events that have shaped my life.

Which brings me back to the James Taylor song... It's somewhat of a song that morns a friend, refers to his battle with drug addiction, and the fear of fame and fortune. Real events and struggles that had shaped him as a songwriter and ultimately formed one of those songs that singer/songwriters hold in the highest regard.

Sunday, a young man i knew was killed in a plane crash with his family and girlfriend. We had a few classes together in college, we would talk accounting and video games, he is still on my Xbox Live friends list, which seems somehow ironic. We truly do not know what tomorrow holds for us, whether beautiful or tragic. The one thing we can do today is love deeply, respect intensely, and admire the diverse beauty that forms us all.

I'll never forget sitting on that deck with my friends .... trying to remember the chords to Fire and Rain .... watching steve ban all cell phones from the festivities. I think I understand what James wanted us to see in his work .... embrace experience when it takes a friend, embrace experience when we are in personal battles, embrace the fear of an uncertain future.

Experience .... would I change the events that have led me here to this day .... I don't think so.

I'm curious as to where I'll end up ....

My life in ruins...

Luke 15 (New Living Translation)

Parable of the Lost Sheep
1 Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. 2 This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!

3 So Jesus told them this story: 4 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. 6 When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

This passage of scripture has ruined my life.... seriously, all of a sudden I can't approach life in the same way I always have, American culture can't fix it, Christian rhetoric can't sooth my conscious. For the first 30 years of my life I have read this passage, had it taught to me in Sunday school, and had it preached at me from the pulpit. The problem is, I never saw what Jesus was actually saying .... until a few months ago (that's when i did a little studying).

I've always seen this parable as merely a symbol of love... so much love that we lose one sheep, leave the 99 to go find the one. In actuality, a shepherd, as well as the people hearing Jesus, would have a much different view of the story. Shepherding was a business, if one sheep was lost the shepherd had to find it; if the sheep was not found then the shepherd was financially responsible for it. He had to answer for his stock, pay for it out of his own pocket. Not only was his finances on the line, his reputation as a shepherd was on the line. Losing a sheep was a HUGE deal. That's why when the sheep was found there was incredible rejoicing.

Jesus is making a very serious point to us 2000 years later... we are held responsible for the lost, it's a non-negotiable. Sadly, we have become a Christian culture that says.... "Come out of the bars, come to church, get Jesus" ... "Drop your addiction to (insert vice here), come get Jesus". See the pattern, "come here". Luke 15 tells us otherwise.... go find.

I can no longer sit back and just wait on the preacher to become a better speaker in order to entice people into the church pews. I can no longer wait on the music ministry to get better musicians so people will come hear the latest worship song. I can no longer wait on the youth pastor to get those goofy black lights for the youth room or come up with a killer name for youth service. Passing the buck in my own life, sadly, is over.... Jesus has told me to GO and FIND... the buck stops with me ..... my normal American life is over .... When my time is over I can't tell Jesus, "sorry, I lost a few sheep, but I lived in a killer house and my stock portfolio was rockin... and I paid my tithes on time, every time" .... that stuff won't go very far when He looks and me and says "you owe me for the sheep you didn't go and find".

Just my thoughts.... it's my blog!! hehe

Thursday, July 9, 2009

~~Disclaimer~~ Let's vocalize ....

Over the past couple of years, in conversation with folks here and there, I've heard a similar theme from them ... "Why don't you blog?". Ok, I'll give it a spin. I've always felt different, not in some weird kinda, "I hate everybody, nobody understands me", kinda way. I guess what I mean is this, I've never been one to just fall in line with the norm, whether that be the fad of the day or the thought processes of those around me, especially in the church. I've just kinda felt like so many around me just didn't get it ... and I still feel like many just DON'T get it. Irony (ready for this... buckle up), I'm beginning to find that the more I realize that "believers don't get it"... the more I realize that "I still don't get it". Whether that be from pride in some shape, form, or fashion; or maybe it is indeed the life journey that we all find ourselves in.

Having said all that, my "disclaimer"... I intend to use this blog to talk about things that are on my heart. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that at some point in this world of blog, some will take issue with some of my thoughts and ideas, and trust me, that's cool. The older I get the more I realize that it is not so much important for people to always agree with me, but it is however MOST important that people think. Look at things from a different angle, let a little light in, and then form their own opinions. A lot of topics will be Jesus oriented ... but then some will be very light hearted, sophmoric, typical "Jim" stuff. Enjoy